We all come to a point in our life where we would like to create new and healthy habits which last or would like to break some of our old habits which do not serve us anymore. But how to go about it? Why do some people fail whilst other people make it look so easy and effortless?
There are usually two reasons why habits don’t stick with us:
We try to change the wrong thing
We try to change in the wrong order
If we solve our problems on the results level it's only temporary and will require lots of willpower, however if we change our identity and the system, it will last. It’s hard to change the habit if you don’t change the old beliefs and change who you are. Willpower and motivation are really overrated.
One single decision can make a big difference and can differentiate between a good day or bad day. It’s incredible, a few choices determine where your day goes.
It all starts with us and the identity change. Oftentimes we try to start changing the outcome (what you get) whilst we forget to change our identity (our belief and worldview). Don’t forget, we always act in alignment with our beliefs. Before we do anything else, we need to decide who we want to be.
Every habit is based on 4 steps; Cue – Craving – Response – Reward* (aka the habit loop) and we can use these 4 simple steps to build better habits.
*From Atomic Habits by James Clear
How to create a positive habit
Make it obvious
Make it attractive
Make it easy
Make it satisfying
1. Make it obvious
Our environment is very important. Make the cues of good and desired habits visible and obvious. What does this look like? For example: If you would like to go to the gym every morning, get out your gym clothes at night and place them next to your bed; if you would like to eat a healthy and nutritious breakfast every morning, place everything on the table the night before. All decisions we take are driven by the most obvious option. A small shift in what you see can be a big change to what you do. Create obvious cues and make the cues a big part of your surroundings.
2. Make it attractive
Combine a habit you want to do with a habit you need to do. It’s always much easier when we associate a certain new habit with something we already do and love doing. It’s also extremely important to surround yourself with the right group of people. Surround yourself with people where your desired behaviour is the norm. We are very impacted by the behaviour of our peers and we take on the behaviours of people around us. Habits are attractive if we associate them with a positive feeling. Don’t forget, we can find evidence for whatever mindset we choose. Be mindful! Be conscious!
3. Make it easy
Start with repetition, not perfection. Changes start with tiny steps and routines. Oftentimes we expect to make big changes from the beginning, only to find ourselves overwhelmed with the entire situation and to give up. Even if we move every day 1% towards our desired goal and only make tiny changes, these tiny changes will become something big. Tiny changes are easy to manage and we are more inclined to stick to them. In addition, we are wired to choose the things with the least effort.
Have you heard of the 2 min rule? Try to create a routine for 2 min each day. You want to go to the gym but haven’t been in many years and don’t know how to start? Get dressed, go to the gym, exercise for 2 min. Repeat this every day. Soon enough, going to the gym will become a habit and after many days you will decide that you may as well exercise a little longer, whilst you are at the gym. You don’t want the habit; you want the outcome that comes out of it.
4. Make it Satisfying
We humans are wired to look for immediate satisfaction. We always value the present more than the future. Usually, the reward of a good habit lies in the future whilst the reward of a bad habit is immediate. Change can take years before it all happens at once and all big achievements come from small beginnings. Small changes appear to not make any difference unless you reach a certain threshold.
How can we overcome this?
We can build into our habits little measures and rewards to show us that we are on track and moving forward into the right direction. It’s the anticipation of a reward not the action.
How to break a bad habit
Spoiler alert! it’s a reverse of what you have learned about creating good habits ;)
Make it invisible
Make it unattractive
Make it Difficult
Make it unsatisfying
Remove a single cue and the entire habit will be gone. No matter how strong we are, self-control is a short-term strategy and it’s only a matter of time until we have a weak moment.
Once we have established a desired behaviour and habit, how do we stick with it? How can we make sure we keep our goal in mind and not let it slip?
The most successful way is to use a “Habit Tracker”. The habit tracker is a way to measure our success and to keep us accountable for it. This means simply “record it”. Write it down into a journal every day and keep track of it. Mark each day you stick to your routine with an “X” and stick with it and never break the chain.
Finally, what do we do when life interrupts our efforts and even with all the effort, we get side-tracked and stray off course? There is a simple rule “never miss twice”. The first mistake is never the one that ruins your routine and all the work you put in, it’s always the spiral that follows.
Nobody is perfect, be kind to yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes. Just make sure you pick it up again and never do it twice. Don’t skip another workout, just because you missed one. Don’t binge eat a second day, just because it happened the day before. A one off, will never ruin your routine.
You are stronger than you think!